Wrong place at the wrong time
by TheDanni0608
Summary: He always does it, gets himself in the most awkward, embarrassing moments anyone could ever think of. It's not his fault, most the time it's River's! But nobody ever believes him. Crack!Fic
1. Chapter 1

Leather Is Cool.

"I can't believe we were dragged into this," The Doctor mumbles grumpily. They were in a shopping centre, apparently, according to Amy and River, _'a girl needs to accessorise'_. How could he not tell the mother and daughter similarities earlier? Amy was complaining and complaining that they have not gone somewhere 'exciting' in a while, so she came up with the idea of going shopping, much to Rory and The Doctor's protest. Anyway, _'have not gone somewhere exciting in a while'_- what like seeing a volcano erupt only thirty feet away is not exciting, but shopping until your feet drop off is? He'd only been walking for about half an hour and he was already bored, even more bored than when he had to wait for Vincent to draw his painting, and that's saying something. The Doctor said no to this catastrophe in the first place, but it doesn't really help when there is another genius in the room who knows how to fly the Tardis. So here he is, carrying nine bags of clothing already, and to be honest they were not very light either. Rory was in just as much pain, carrying the weight load of a horse. Letting River know of the unlimited-amount-of-money credit card is the worst idea he has ever come up with, or ever will come up with, depending on who's view you are looking at.

"Will you two man up?" Amy declares over her shoulder, yeah, says the one carrying nothing. The Doctor stops and walks over to a wall, letting all of the bags drop from his arms and hands. He sighs with relief, the blood now managing to flow to his fingertips, creating a little tingling sensation. Rory looks over his side to see where the Doctor has gone, when he saw he was resting on the wall he soon managed to pick up the energy to run up to him and do the same. Amy and River did not even notice they had left them until Amy asked Rory a question, which was not answered, then realising there absence, she turns around to find them sprawled across the floor, breathing heavily. They walk over to them, Amy with an annoyed and pouty face, and River with an evil sly smirk. She chuckles when she is close enough for them to hear her,

"Tired already Doctor? Where's that energy and enthusiasm you always boast about?" She questions with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not my fault, we've only been here," then he raises his arm to look at his watch, "thirty minutes and my arms and legs already feel died, I wouldn't be surprised if I regenerated, and I quite like this body," he complains, leaning his head against the wall. Amy crosses her arms,

"Well, if you two stay here and watch guard of the bags then-"

"I want to go shopping to," The Doctor exclaimed, his enthusiasm returning, "I want to find a fez, seeming River blew up my other one," he glares at her with disgust, a flash back of the ripped up material flash in his eyes.

"But you Pond's are going to the boring shops," he states.

"Fine then, Rory are you alright to stay with the clothes? We'll only be about twenty minutes," Amy pleads with a smile. Rory nods, he is quite happy to just stay in this comfy position for the rest of his life, rather than continue to shop with _them_. Amy smiles and pecks him on the cheek,

"Text me if you need anything, I've got my phone on me." She says, blowing a kiss to him, he nods again, too exhausted to say any words. The Doctor leans up from the wall,

"Good luck," Rory comments as he is walks away, the Doctor waves him good bye and strides over to the woman. So, two women and one big shopping centre… Whatever could go wrong?

"Right okay then, so there's three floors, floor one is the restaurants and eating facilities, floor two is toys and gifts, and then floor three is clothing." River informs them, she seems very familiar with the place, she must have been here before. The Doctor claps his hands excitedly and takes a few paces forward,

"And where do you think you're going?" River asks him, a grin appearing on her face, uh oh this cannot be good news, he turns around slowly,

"T-To get myself a fez," he says nervously, gulping and fidgeting with his fingers.

"Not until you help me with my shopping you're not," she demands with no hint of sarcasm or humour, the Doctor rolls his eyes,

"But River, you're a woman, you don't want my opinion on clothes. You mock my own clothing sense, so why would it make sense for me to tell you what I like and don't like on you." He accuses, now turning around again to walk away, "you can just meet me at th-" He was cut off with a yank to the collar,

"Sweetie, you're going shopping with me." River warns, Amy looks at them both with a smile,

"I'll only be in Bestie's Boutique," she tells them, making the Doctor look at her with a pleading face of _'don't leave me'_; Amy definitely does not want to stay round for this. River nods and grips onto The Doctors hand and pulls him into a shop. The Doctor just has a short glimpse of the shops name, 'frilly knickers', he shivers, this cannot be good. River walks around the shop, picking up garments that would scar the living daylights out of little children. The Doctor tries to hide his blush as much as possible, looking down at the floor, looking up at the ceiling, looking around the roo-

"Ah!" The Doctor screams in disgust quite loudly, turning around to look the other way, he accidently head butt a mannequin, which was naked. River laughs until she was red in the face, the Doctor just gave her a stern look and marches over to the exit of the shop, he has had enough of this, but River quickly enough jumps in front of him, blocking his way.

"River, I heat butt a naked lady, I have to leave this room before woman start giving me looks… Womanly looks." He panics, trying to push her out the way.

"Doctor it was a mannequin, I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose," she jokes sarcastically, laughing again,

"And besides I've got the clothes I like," she affirms, now grabbing onto his hand once more, the Doctor sighs,

"So we can leave!" He yells happily, jumping up and down in delight, River snickers while pulling him,

"Yes, you'd think so wouldn't you sweetie, but I've got to try them on now." She replies back wickedly. The Doctor gives a petrified look as he is pulled into the changing rooms. River is given a plastic object with the number three on it,

"If you need any help please use the buzzer, have a nice day," the lady behind the counter says happily, pointing the way to the dressers, River smiles back, making her way to a dresser. The Doctor sits down on the chair opposite the dresser, River sighs,

"You can come in you know," she tells him with a wink, pushing the curtain aside and stepping in...

After about twenty minutes of saying comments like: 'Oh, that looks nice', 'yeah I like that one', 'can we go now', 'yes that looks fine on you, like all the other ones did'. The Doctor loses patience; all River can hear is his huffing and puffing,

"Doctor, why don't you go try some clothes on, instead of waiting for me," she suggests, the Doctor takes that to his advantage, standing up straight away and leaving the place as fast as he could. Once he leaves the changing rooms he thinks about where he should go. Right, so a fez, that is what he needs, a good old fez. He searches around near enough every shop, not finding one anywhere. What a downer, ah well he has got the secret stash in The TARDIS anyway. He gives up and searches for some clothes instead, luckily he finds some descent clothes. He buys some bow ties, of course- because they're cool, another tweed jacket-very similar to the one he is already wearing, but he does not care. Now just some trousers, he wants something different this time, not just plain old black trousers. He searches around and finds many things: mankini's, very short shorts, holograms trousers, three quarter length trousers, zebra striped jeans… All of which he does not like, until he sees something that blows his mind. Trousers, that are shiny! He runs to them, thrilled, and feels the leather material, very silky and smooth, he picks up some that look to appear to be his size and runs to the changing room that he left River in. The woman behind the counter looks at his clothing choice strangely and gives him the token. It reads number four, the obstacle next to River, of course. He walks in and closes the curtain behind him, the last thing he needs is for anyone to watch him get undressed. He takes off his normal trousers and plonks them on the seat that is next to the mirror, and then picks up the leather pants. He pulls them up with ease and does up the button; he looks at himself in the mirror and checks himself out.

"Not too bad," he thinks to himself, checking out every angle possible, he nods and makes the decision to buy them. Unexpected to him, when he goes to take them off he struggles, at first he thinks nothing of it, so he tries to pull them harder, but the material sort of clings to his skin, he furrows he eye brows annoyed pulls at them vigorously, but they do not budge. He sits on the chair and literally ties to rip them off, eager to get them off, the grunts and pants he was making probably did not sound too good for the people waiting for a changing room. He slams his fists on the door,

"Why won't you come off," he complains angrily in a quiet tone, again trying to pull them off. He thinks of an idea. He jumps to his jacket, because he is unable to walk, and retrieves his sonic. He tries sonicing the leather, but nothing happens.

"Don't tell me you don't do leather!" He panics, using the sonic physically instead, he tries using it as a wedge to break free; but instead he drops the sonic accidentally down his trousers. He tries to get it back but it's wedged too tight for his hand to reach, so his just left with a bulge sticking out of his trousers, making him look as if he had an erection. That definitely did not look good, especially seeming the fact his in a dressing room where woman are. If a woman were to take a look at him he would probably be given the hardest smack in the galaxy. He fidgets round, not knowing what to do; it's not as if he can just waltz out there and ask for help from a stranger. He shakes the idea out of his head.

"Oh, Rory! Rory can help," he realises, jumping over to the tweed jacket once more and getting out his phone. Thank Rassilion River gave it to him earlier! He looks down the contacts list and finds Rory, he presses call on waits.

"Hello," a familiar voice greets over the phone, the Doctor smiles.

"Rory, listen, I need your help, I'm in a situation," he says desperately with a whisper.

"I told you not to go, if your feet are aching then just say you have cramp," Rory replies, thinking he knows what his problem is, boy is he wrong.

"No, Rory, listen, I bought these jeans, cause they were really cool," he can practically hear Rory roll his eyes, "but now I'm stuck. I can't get them off me, it's like they shrunk when I put them on." Rory laughs,

"Where are you, I'll come and get you." He asks, finding his situation hilarious. Oh great, further humiliation,

"F-Frilly Knickers," he mumbles the shops name quietly, Rory bursts out with laughter, his so loud that the Doctor had to cover the phone with his hands so as people did not hear, once the noise has died down he put his mouth to the phone again.

"Can you just come please," he asks anxiously, not finding this funny one bit.

"Okay, I'll be there in two." He hears him say before he ends the call. The Doctor sighs, leaning his head against the wall.

"Sweetie is that you?" He hears River asks over the two changing rooms, he gulps, how could he have forgotten that River was on the other side? He does not reply. He hears some shuffling and before he knows it River is crawling under the dressing room into his.

"River," he yells a little too loudly, covering up himself, she rolls her eyes,

"Sweetie, there's nothing there that I haven't seen before," she comments, now standing up beside him. He blushes different shades of red and closes his eyes, he hears her chuckle,

"Leather? How exciting!" She announces, admiring his new jeans, he pouts, still not moving his hand to reveal the bulge underneath.

"Yes, well I can't get it off. I've tried everything, even the sonic doesn't work," he confesses.

"The sonic doesn't work on leather sweetie," she confirms with a wink, making him blush even further, he does not even want to know.

"Yes, well, just help me please, I think it's blocking my blood supply to my legs," he whines. She sighs,

"Move your hand then sweetie otherwise I won't be able to help you." He panics and turns around,

"You know what; I think I can get out of these myself, run along Song," he utters, not wanting to make eye contact with her, could this get even more embarrassing. She spins him round and moves his hands, apparently it can. She laughs out loud at the bulge on his trousers, making him cover her mouth with his hands; she is on the point of crying.

"It's the sonic!" He yells accusingly. She cannot control herself it is too funny, he moves her round vigorously, forgetting he cannot walk properly; he falls over the curtain, falling to the floor with a thud. He opens his eyes; he was revealing himself to everyone, including Rory. Everybody screams and turns away; River-who was still laughing- picks him up quickly and closes the curtain behind them, or what's left of it. Rory walks slowly to the obstacle,

"Everything alright?" He asks, obviously knowing the answer.

"Worst. Shopping. Ever," The Doctor grumbles to himself.

**Hope you liked it xD**


	2. Chapter 2

**HaHa, glad you guys found the last chapter funny :D The reviews for the humour fics tend to be the best, in my opinion, so thank you guys for that! :) Here's another chapter for you…**

**Theatres and Slush.**

Amy, Rory, River and The Doctor go to the cinema's, they want to see a film, but the Doctor ruins it, they're handcuffed so as the Doctor's not aloud out, so him and River play a little game, they play bogies like game, but then they get chucked out, but The Doctor accidentally tips popcprn all over the people in front.

"Right," the Doctor exasperated, his head popping out from underneath the hexagon-shaped TARDIS console. His tweed was chucked across the TARDIS sofa and his sleeves were scrolled up, when working on The TARIDS it tends to get a little hot. Once he finally propped himself up off the floor and pulled up his braces around his shoulders, he hopped around the console flicking switched willy nilly.

"So are you finished now?" Rory asked with a whining tone, like he had the past ten minutes, continuingly nagging him. River snorted, shaking her head and she walked past Rory to give the Doctor his tweed. He snatched the tweed off her childishly and gave her an _'at-least-I-fixed-it-in-the-end'_ look. The left side of her lips curled up, making that horrible face that just aggravates him even more. He rolled his eyes and looked at Rory,

"Yep, just had to rewire the circuit into a hot pressed connected frame, because _somebody_," he eyes glared at River, obviously accusing her, "just had to blow dry their hair for forty five minutes, making the power go out." Amy rolled her eyes,

"Well why didn't you just let River work on the circuit then-" She managed to speak before the Doctor interrupted her,

"Cause it's MY ship," he exclaimed, pointing a finger at River, who was behind him, while still looking at the Ponds, "nobody seems to understand that anymore…" he added on. "OW!" He yelled in pain, turning round on his heels to look at River,

"River you just bit me," he confirmed, raising his finger to his face to look at the bite marks now appearing on his finger, a little bit a red lipstick was visible as well if he looked close enough. _'That better not be hallucinogenic,_' the Doctor thought to himself. She pouted in a childlike manner,

"Sweetie, like my mother said, you should have let me work on the circuit and besides, pointing finger is rude, you asked for it," she spoke, then covering her hand over his mouth to stop him from replying,

"It's not my fault you threw the manual into the supernova, doesn't matter now anyway," she realised, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"Anyway, it's my mother's choice to choose next destination," she smiled, loving the fact the Doctor was unable to speak with her hand over his face, no matter how much he struggled against her, he could not break free to speak. Amy grinned, placing a finger on her lips, trying to think of a place they could go.

"What about the movies?" She suggested, looking at everyone for their opinions. Rory and River nodded in agreement, but the Doctor was now properly struggling against River, '_I don't want to go to the movies, I've seen every movie there is to see, what's the point in me going? I'd rather stay here and sort out my fez collection- that's if River hasn't found it yet,'_ he complained inside his head. He knew that River knew that he hated the theatres, she was from his future she was bound to know, she seems to know everything else. _'Right'_, he decided in his mind. There was only one way to get his opinion across, and that was for River to get rid of her hand across his face. He was definitely going to regret this, he could just tell. While Amy and Rory were busy discussing which film they wanted to watch, the Doctor took action.

"Ow," River exclaimed, much like the Doctor did earlier. She turned to look at the Doctor, shock appearing on her face.

"You bit me…" She stated, now looking at her red hand, "and this early in your time stream aswell," she gasped. "I'm shocked you had it in you," she added with a smirk, making the Doctor flush red, he straightened his bow tie,

"Yes, well, you left me no choice, and anyway, I'm not early in our time stream, we're married, how early must earlier's early have been if this is still early?" He remarked quietly, turning to look at her confusingly, her face softened and a grin was appearing on her face, he knew what was coming.

"Spoilers," she replied back in a husky attractive way, like she always does. They were both interrupted by a cough from Rory, their heads turned in unison. Amy was smiling, with her legs crossed and arms moving ever so slightly in excitement.

"Err.. We've thought of a movie we'd both like to watch…" Rory announced in a modulated tone, there was a bit of a silence after he spoke, the only noise was the hum of the TARDIS in the background as it floated through the Vortex.

"And," The Doctor asked rather impatiently, he was really hoping for a good film, even though he has seen them all sometimes there were movies that were worth watching again.

"Romeo and Juliet, but the 2012 version," Amy answered cheerily, "me and Rory haven't seen a romantic movie together yet, so we thought we'd-"

"Urgghh," the Doctor groaned, lifting his face to look at the ceiling. "Why that film, I don't understand it, can't we see something more thrilling and adventurous.. Like.. Like.. The Scooby Doo movie or something?" He pleaded; spinning round the TARDIS like a little child, River rolled her eyes,

"Sweetie, it's a lovely film, and besides it was mother's decision to go where she wanted," she stated matter-of-factly. The Doctor hits his head multiple times on the railing,

"River you only like the movie for the guns, and besides, _**my**_ TARDIS, my plan-y thing-y destination stuff," he lamely used as an excuse. Rory huffed, as if this sort of behaviour were normal with The Doctor, whereas River was giving him a stern glare- unnoticeable to her parents. Amy desperately wanted to see Romeo and Juliet, all her friend had said it was brilliant, and that they cried in the end. An idea popped into Amy's head, it was cruel, but at least he would have to go and watch the movie with them. She walked over to River quickly and whispered her plan to her, River's face lit up as she smirked at her mother's plan, she nodded and started walking round the TARDIS console- neither of the woman wanting to share the secret. River started flipping switches and twisting nozzles, until she typed in coordinates into the keyboard.

"Wh-What are-River! I can drive her!" The Doctor shrieked, hating seeing somebody else drive his 'sexy'. He raced over to her,

"Sweetie, we both know if you driver we'll be somewhere else completely, so I'll drive for this one," she informed him in a silvery tone and a beatific expression.

"Fine, fine, but I'm helping," he made sure that was clear, he stumbled round the TARDIS, "2012 it is. Weird year this one, quite bumpy," he told them, making both Amy and Rory rush over to the railings, taking the hint. The TARDIS started making the familiar humming noise as it rushed through time and space, the cylinder bar in the middle of the console going up and down repeatedly, as always. Like turbulence on a plane, the TARDIS started to shake and move side to side, making The Doctor stomp on River's foot, _accidentally_ of course,

"Sorry honey," he apologised sweetly, it was only straight after that he thought about what he just said_, 'honey…What on Earth possessed me to say that?'_ The thought struck in his mind as he was running around the TARDIS, attempting to land in the right time zone. River seemed to like the little apology, giving him a little butt bump to move him out of the way… The ride really was horrendous, so River, as fast as possible, ran over to the blue button.

"River, no, not the sta-" But it was too late, she click it. The blue button of death. The TARDIS settled down automatically, letting The Doctor gave out a deep breath unimpressed,

"-bilisers," he finished off the word flatly. "What did you do that for, it was getting fun," he accused, moving over to fall on the chair in a huff.

"Have we landed?" Amy asked excitedly, not even waiting for the answer as she dragged Rory by the hand to the doors.

"We'll meet you inside!" River heard Amy shout from outside. River looked at them, or the door- where they had just ran past- blissfully, then turned to her stropping husband,

"C'mon sweetie, if you want we can sit at the back of the cinema, away from my parents," she spoke flirtatiously, giving a sly wink as she walked away towards the door, swaying her hips more than was needed. The Doctor eyes opened drastically as he leaped from his chair to chase River.

Turns out he did get the timing right, which made him stop and raise his hands in the air,

"So why is it when _I_ don't want to go somewhere you get us at the right place, right time, yet when I want to go somewhere we end up on the other end of the universe, or out of it!" He complained, as he walked away from the TARDIS, arm in arm with River. She placed her head on his shoulder, making him feel just that slightly bit uncomfortable, but he's learnt to get used to it.

"Sweetie, stop complaining, it's not very attractive," she affirmed. Her hair started to tickled The Doctor's chin, so he decided to blow it out the way, making River wriggle beside him.

"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously, not even turning to look at him, but knowing he was up to something anyway. He gulped, realising he was caught,

"Nothing, nothing. It's just your hair! It's all frizzy and big and it tickles," he replied honestly, making her laugh. After finally walking past the cinema car park they were at the front doors, there were posters of all new movies that were to come out soon. Hunger games, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Batman… Trust them to pick Romeo and Juliet out of them all though. Amy turned around to look at them both,

"I'll get the tickets, you get the food yeah," she suggested, making her way into the long cue. The Doctor rolled his eyes and was literally dragged into the cinema lounge with River. They walked over to the counter, waiting in the line.

"Right so, what do you want?" She asked, which was intended to the Doctor but apparently he was elsewhere, she rolled her eyes as she saw him in the pick and mix area, she walked over to him, losing her spot in the cue. As soon as she was behind him he turned around a shoved a gummy worm in her face,

"Look how cool these sweets are River," he exclaimed, putting mouthfuls of sweets into his mouth, she slapped his hand.

"You have to pay for that, sweetie," she expressed, slapped the gummy worm out of his mouth, only for it to make her hands sticky, she grimaced, a face of disgust on her face as she wiped her hands onto the tissues nearby. The Doctor frowned,

"Well, that's not very cool," he acknowledged while being dragged into the queue they were in before. River clapped her hands together,

"Right, so Amy and Rory will probably want large popcorn, what do you want sweetie?" She asked him politely taking a step forward into the queue as it moved along. He looked at the counter and the menu above, there was definitely one thing that caught his eye, he pointed at it eagerly,

"That!" He expressed. It was a half metre long slush drink, with different coloured ice inside; by the looks of it the flavours were blueberry and strawberry. River sighed,

"Sweetie you won't like that, trust me," she disapproved, making him pucker his lips for persuasion.

"Please River!" He begged, pulling at her arm. She sigh once more, a sign of defeat. He jumped up and down in delight, and hugged her quickly,

"Thank you," he said, showing appreciation. She smiled at him back and tucked his fringe behind his ear. The woman at the counter smiled at them both_, 'next please'_ she called out.

"Hello, can I have one large popcorn, and two medium cokes with that, and one of those slushy supreme drinks," she told the woman her order. She nodded and turned around about to get the food and drink before the Doctor tapped her on her arm secretly, while River was getting the money out of her wallet- the Doctor was almost proud of the fact she was not going to steal anything. The woman looked at him strangely, the moved closer toward her making her flinch,

"Do you by any chance sell fish fingers?" He asked innocently; hope appearing across his face- she frowned at him,

"No sir, I don't believe we do," she replied, looking at him strangely, the Doctor lowered his shoulder disappointed. The woman carried on with what she was doing, trying to avoid any eye contact with The Doctor. She placed the food on the counter, and then typed in number and letter into the cash register, the payment appeared on the little screen, it said: £22.00. River handed her the money, a twenty pound note and two pound coins, the woman pressed a button, making a 'ding' noise and the cash register to open. River took the food and drink, giving the Doctor his gigantic drink, which must have been just below her height, it was massive. He looked at it captivated, a bug-eyed expression gleaming from his face as he observed the mixed colours and flavours that were yet to be tasted. To top it all off, there was a bendy red straw which pieced through the hole at the top; even the straw was very large. The Doctor puckered his lips, wanting to have a quick taste, yet River slapped his hands away, he looked at her unhappily,

"Wait till the movie starts, otherwise you'll keep needing the toilet," she warned him, making him roll his eyes.

"Yes mother," he replied a little too loudly, panic struck in his face, so he turned around automatically, closing his eyes tight, knowing full well what he just said. He started to rush along the cinema lounge, trying to get away from River, yet looked back, looking for any signs of the blonde headed woman, not watching where he was going, he knocked himself into a lady. His slushy went everywhere, all up the stranger and her friends, not even a drop on him. Guessing from her facial expressions and stance she did not look to happy. All the red and the blue had mixed into their clothing and hair, they looked a mess. The Doctor's eyes widened, as he raised his hands apologetically,

"S-Sorry, do you want me to…Urm…" He uttered pathetically, trying to think of what to do, a person from behind stepped forward, red all across her face, much like a clown.

"You've got some, erm," he indicated the slush on her face obviously, "red on your face." WACK! The woman had slapped him sharply across the cheek, his face beginning to throb and turned red, in all honesty, it was not that painful, compared to what he's had before.

"Oh, well that didn't hurt at all," he commented, smiling, completely unaware of what he just said. The woman looked at him shocked, all her friends looking at each other and nodding; the Doctor furrowed his eye brows,

"Wha- Why- What's- Why are you shaking your heads?" he asked scared. Luckily for him- or so he thinks- River appeared in the scene, she took one look at the woman and rolled her eyes, as if she expected as much.

"Doctor, I know I said you wouldn't like it, but that doesn't mean you chuck it on strangers." She notified him, making all the woman looked at her baffled, as if to say_, 'who's this woman?_' The Doctor flailed his arms around,

"I didn't do it on purpose River! They were in the way, and the container is very flimsy, should go to the manager and complain about it," he accused, knowing it was all one big fat lie, and so did all the others, giving him a look. "I'm just too clumsy, it's this regeneration, the legs I were given, they're uncontrollable," he stated, his voice increasing in pitch, making some of the females laugh. The woman at the front, apparently the group leader clicked her fingers,

"C'mon, let's go clean up before the movie begins yeah." She commanded, while giving The Doctor a dirty look. "You better watch yo back man, I ain't gonna forget this," she finished, pointing to her drenched clothing. Her gang and her waltzed off. The Doctor sighed loudly, then realised something was attached to his wrist, he raised his arms,

"RIVER!" He yelled, looking at the handcuffs attached to his and her wrists. "It's always the handcuffs that are the solution to everything. The Daleks: Oh, we'll handcuff them. The Silurians: We'll handcuff them to. Captain Jack: Oh, we'll…." He didn't finish his sentence, a red colour bleeding through his cheeks.

"Want to finish that off sweetie," she asked innocently, with a wide grin. He gulped,

"Never mind," he mumbled under his breath, "but how are we meant to watch the movie now? Did Amy put you up to this? Oh, Rassilion, that's what you were whispering about," he acknowledged, hitting his head with his hand, but in fact hurting River at the same time. She yanked her arm down,

"Yes, mw and mother thought of this together, we knew you'd do _something_ that would cause havoc. So if we're attached," she spoke dangling the chain in front of his face, "then you can't do anything wrong without me there." He groaned,

"I don't have anything to drink now though…." He said, trying to think of petty little excuses to stop him from watching the film. She raised her hand and putting them in her bag, pulling out a miniature slushy of the one he had before, he looked shocked,

"River! How did you- Is that a bigger on the inside bag? That's brilliant. You're like Mary Poppins, but less scary," he stated taking a sip without her noticing.

"Less scary?" She asked curiously, "sweetie, I have you attached to me, and we are going to go into a dark room, and yet you're scared more of Mary Poppins?" She proposed, her eye brow arched, and her hand on her hip. He bit his lip,

"She has a flying umbrella River, that is just- I- No. She is still scarier." He informed. Boy was he wrong.

**I know this one wasn't as funny, but somebody requested it for me on Tumblr, so yeah. HaHa. :)**


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